Hi, it’s Ebony 3/3

High school, a time for making memories, having friends and first love, all made worse by having a disability like CP.

Having now left high school, it’s safe to say it’s definitely been quite an experience. I wish I could say I’ve enjoyed every moment, but I know that I’d be lying. The worst part of high school was definitely the constant need of wanting to fit in, which I thankfully grew out off. All I wanted throughout my years of school was to have friends, so much so that I would do anything to try and get people to like me.

I remember starting high school and feeling like a little fish in a gigantic pond, only knowing the people from my primary school, so when the popular girls in year seven began to talk to me I was ecstatic, but the feeling didn’t last too long because my rose tinted glasses began to fade quickly and I saw them for what they were, girls only interested in keeping their popularity at all costs. In all honesty, throughout high school, I have been through many different types of friendship groups and as I leave now, I leave on my own without a group.

Another thing which I have had to experience throughout high school would be crushes on idiot guys that weren’t worth my time until one, but I’ll get to that in a bit. you see when I was younger, I trusted people way too easily and opened up way too quickly, so when I head a crush it would always end up around the school and I’d be made fun of and the situation would be made awkward and I would feel like an idiot for days.

I remember my first proper boyfriend was in year eleven, which inretrospect probably wasn’t the best idea because when your a teenager can you really hold a stable relationship of any kind under the stress of GCSE’s, but we tried and it lasted about four or five months, anyway he was the first male other than family members who didn’t care about the disability and loved me for me which was an incredible feeliing and it probably also helped that he was my bestfriend before any thing else and I’d know him since I was six.

One problem that I would constantly find myself in during my time at high school was with the TA’s, I would feel like I had no privacy or they would treat me like I was stupid, the best TA’s of course where definitely the younger ones because they were closer to my age and understood the meaning of wanting to be left alone to have a private conversation with a friend. On the other hand, the teacher’s weren’t much better either, when it came to talking to me they would often talk to the TA instead of me which can be annoying after a while.

The subjects which I struggled with within school were definitely the physically challenging ones like art or physical education and sometimes music, depending on the topic. my favourite lessons were art, English, history and music (I’m a very creative person). Throughout school, I was often made to watch people join in with PE which affected me emotionally because I was watching people do what I couldn’t and my confidence and self-esteem began to drop significantly around this time in year eight or nine.

During my time in education and especially high school I have often needed  people to talk and rant to, mainly to be able to control my emotional state of mind, which  is one of the positive things,, there was always someone with school who I could talk to about my problems, whether it be friendship or family.

I know that leaving high school has shown me all the ways in which the future is something to look forward too, instead of being scared of the unknown I should embrace it and embrace who I am but also who I want to be.

Ebony ❤ 

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